Slightly Intoxicated Batman

Writing Prompt: Explain the importance of growing up with both parents like I am Robin and you are a slightly intoxicated Batman.

Robin, not now. Just give me some space, okay? Alfred, get me some scotch. Tonight's case just... hit a little too close to home for me today. Thanks Alfred. Christ, watching that scumbag gun down that couple outside the theater today, that just brought back-- God. Never mind. You want a shot? Puts hair on your chest. There you go.


Do you think about family a lot?

I do. Not just mine. Every night, after we catch another criminal off the streets, I do research on their background. You know what I've always found? Broken families. Dad ran off with the secretary. Mom overdosed in the living room. Father bashes mother's brains in with a rusted blender, then shoots himself.

Parents mugged and shot by a petty thief.
Parents crack their heads on the circus floor.


Fuck this, Alfred. I need something stronger.

We could have become just like them, you know. We could have become criminals. Some people think we are criminals. But whether we're vigilantes or villains, Robin, there's one thing I do know. We're freaks. We're not normal people. We're not the average citizens we set out to protect every single day, and we'll never know what kind of life that is.


That's why parenthood matters.
It matters so damn much.

A father throws his son a football to catch. I throw you extra smoke bombs. A mother comforts you when you scrape your knee. You've gotten more stitches than your damn costume.

No no, I'm good, Alfred. I think I just need to get some rest now.

I'm going to bed. You can finish off the rest of the bottle if you want to, but... (yaaawn) ...we need to get up early tomorrow to catch that bastard. Good work today, kid.


I'm so proud of you, son.